unloading

This is just a general gripe post. I'm having a bad morning... no make that a bad month. My beloved left for his two week summer camp for teh national guard and left several things undone that I desperately needed done and asked him repeatedly to do. Why do they do that?
We only use a tiny bit of propane to cook with - I asked him to refill the tank before he left because I knew I was going to run out while he was gone - he didn't fill it - I ran out, in the middle of baking bread.
My car broke down. When I told him he informed me that he already knew there was a problem. If he knew then WHY didn't he fix it!? or at least take it to the shop to have a diagnositc run? I was told this morning that repairs will be nearly $500 - the van isn't even worth that.
He was supposed to arrange for his vacation pay to be drawn out last week so I would have money to get by while he was gone - he didn't do that. I've had to beg and borrow and scrimp for a week now.
I'm so grumpy about all this - I've really let into him about it.
On top of all that I've lost two money orders & stubs totalling over $350 which I can't afford to replace; and this morning I found an email in my inbox from a former customer saying all sorts of mean spirited things over an issue that was resolved two months ago. It was sent simply out of spite.
I sometimes wonder why life has to be so hard sometimes. We have chosen a "simple life" but it's not easy by any strach of the imagination. We live in a tiny house that seems to close in on me day by day. It's all the home we can barely afford and renting would cost twice as much. Homeschooling is a daily struggle for all of us but I know it's the best thing for my children. It's hard, some people think homeschoolers are lazy and unmotivated. They think we're just taking the easy way out and not bothering to educate our children at all. Nothing could be further from the truth. I stay home with my children - some people think that's a cop out - a way to get out of 'real' work (whatever that means). They are SO wrong! It's so hard to do what I do. I would challenge any of my detractors to walk a mile in my shoes! To clean up the same messes over and over again without going insane. To steer children back to their lessons over and over again because every vehicle that drives by draws their attention away from their work. To go days and days and never see anything beyond your property lines, not speak to another adult. To eat casserolles and meatless meals for days and weeks on end because you can't afford what everyone else eats. To listen to your children fight amongst themselves over the same foolish things over and over again and to listen to them complain about how little they have and how much more they want and to KNOW that you will never be able to give them enough. To watch time slip by and constantly wonder if your failing in every attempt. To wonder if you should just chuck it all and live like everyone else in the world.
I'm so sick of having to stretch nickles into dimes and to pay for Sundays milk with those nickles and dimes and to somehow barely slide into payday with enough gas to get to work and the bank and back to the gas station. We spend more for gasoline these days than we do for electricity - it's equal to half of our weekly mortgage allotment. How are simple people supposed to survive in this world? Middle class working Americans are beginning to wonder if the American Dream still exists. I get so angry when I think of corporate CEO's and the upper management of major gas companies making MILLIONS of dollars a year while the rest of us are slowly losing faith in our country. Watching my congressmen make hundreds of thousands of dollars and voting for payraises for themselves at my expense - and then cutting social services and programs for the elderly, and increasing my taxes to cover the cost.
Hamburger used to be the poor mans meat but prices around here have skyrocketed over the last three years. It's rare these days to see it under $2.59/lb. Chicken has plummeted to under $2/lb most of the time though and it's much better for you healthwise.
I'm having to relearn everything I thought I knew about how to cut costs, and no matter how much I cut out (we don't have a second vehicle, cell phone or cable/sattellite tv). I will never be able to provide for a higher education for my children - though I worry less and less about that as they get older. American colleges are a dismal failure. I think my children will learn much more in the military or on a mission field than they will ever learn in a university.
Well that was quite a vent - not sure if I'm done or not but I feel a bit better. At least now I think I might have worked up enough stamina to get through one small mess. I guess I'll have to take the others as they come...