unloading

This is just a general gripe post. I'm having a bad morning... no make that a bad month. My beloved left for his two week summer camp for teh national guard and left several things undone that I desperately needed done and asked him repeatedly to do. Why do they do that?
We only use a tiny bit of propane to cook with - I asked him to refill the tank before he left because I knew I was going to run out while he was gone - he didn't fill it - I ran out, in the middle of baking bread.
My car broke down. When I told him he informed me that he already knew there was a problem. If he knew then WHY didn't he fix it!? or at least take it to the shop to have a diagnositc run? I was told this morning that repairs will be nearly $500 - the van isn't even worth that.
He was supposed to arrange for his vacation pay to be drawn out last week so I would have money to get by while he was gone - he didn't do that. I've had to beg and borrow and scrimp for a week now.
I'm so grumpy about all this - I've really let into him about it.
On top of all that I've lost two money orders & stubs totalling over $350 which I can't afford to replace; and this morning I found an email in my inbox from a former customer saying all sorts of mean spirited things over an issue that was resolved two months ago. It was sent simply out of spite.
I sometimes wonder why life has to be so hard sometimes. We have chosen a "simple life" but it's not easy by any strach of the imagination. We live in a tiny house that seems to close in on me day by day. It's all the home we can barely afford and renting would cost twice as much. Homeschooling is a daily struggle for all of us but I know it's the best thing for my children. It's hard, some people think homeschoolers are lazy and unmotivated. They think we're just taking the easy way out and not bothering to educate our children at all. Nothing could be further from the truth. I stay home with my children - some people think that's a cop out - a way to get out of 'real' work (whatever that means). They are SO wrong! It's so hard to do what I do. I would challenge any of my detractors to walk a mile in my shoes! To clean up the same messes over and over again without going insane. To steer children back to their lessons over and over again because every vehicle that drives by draws their attention away from their work. To go days and days and never see anything beyond your property lines, not speak to another adult. To eat casserolles and meatless meals for days and weeks on end because you can't afford what everyone else eats. To listen to your children fight amongst themselves over the same foolish things over and over again and to listen to them complain about how little they have and how much more they want and to KNOW that you will never be able to give them enough. To watch time slip by and constantly wonder if your failing in every attempt. To wonder if you should just chuck it all and live like everyone else in the world.
I'm so sick of having to stretch nickles into dimes and to pay for Sundays milk with those nickles and dimes and to somehow barely slide into payday with enough gas to get to work and the bank and back to the gas station. We spend more for gasoline these days than we do for electricity - it's equal to half of our weekly mortgage allotment. How are simple people supposed to survive in this world? Middle class working Americans are beginning to wonder if the American Dream still exists. I get so angry when I think of corporate CEO's and the upper management of major gas companies making MILLIONS of dollars a year while the rest of us are slowly losing faith in our country. Watching my congressmen make hundreds of thousands of dollars and voting for payraises for themselves at my expense - and then cutting social services and programs for the elderly, and increasing my taxes to cover the cost.
Hamburger used to be the poor mans meat but prices around here have skyrocketed over the last three years. It's rare these days to see it under $2.59/lb. Chicken has plummeted to under $2/lb most of the time though and it's much better for you healthwise.
I'm having to relearn everything I thought I knew about how to cut costs, and no matter how much I cut out (we don't have a second vehicle, cell phone or cable/sattellite tv). I will never be able to provide for a higher education for my children - though I worry less and less about that as they get older. American colleges are a dismal failure. I think my children will learn much more in the military or on a mission field than they will ever learn in a university.
Well that was quite a vent - not sure if I'm done or not but I feel a bit better. At least now I think I might have worked up enough stamina to get through one small mess. I guess I'll have to take the others as they come...

Dispensing with Pleasantries

I keep a stash of disposable plates, cups, and flatware for when we have guests - but I am forced to wonder why? Think about it. A generation ago we kept a set of lovely china for when we had guests, now it's too much of a burden to clean up behind them so we force them to eat off bits of paper and plastic. When did our society begin to devalue guests like that and how did we get this far without noticing?

We used to sit and talk with our guests, about life and things we enjoyed. Sure we sang and danced and played games - but there was a depth and breadth of relation that is gone today. Now we watch a movie together or play a game - but there is a lack of depth to the interaction. Do you trust those who visit you and who you visit with your dreams and fears? Or do you chat about current events and gossip about others?

Perhaps it is because we are so mobile now that guests are nearly an everyday occurrence, or perhaps they are rare because we are never home. There is never time to "spend" just time to "Save" but to save for what? We have so many timesavers in our lives. Now we have 'everyday' dishes and *special* ones used only for special occasions. Why don't we have more special occasions? We certainly have more free time than our ancestors did.

Our grandparents had china but no dishwasher. We have a dishwasher but not the time to load it? Where did that come from? They made wonderful homecooked meals because there were very few convenience foods. It's a headache for us to have to go to the supermarket to pick up a frozen meal, take it home and stick it in the microwave and then (Heaven forbid!) WAIT 6-10 minutes for it to finish. Then after we eat it we throw the dish away. We *might* have to wash a fork and cup (if we drink something other than a can of soda and don't use disposeable forks to eat with).

I think the answer lies in part in the fact that life expectancy has nearly doubled in the past 100 years or so (in the US at least). We have so much free time and such long lives (comparatively speaking) that we take for granted that there will always be time to do *whatever*. That is why we are so obsessed with saving time but never spending it. Do yourself a favor, make a withdrawal.

Think of it this way - you save 20-30 by having a dishwasher, and 45 minutes if you buy a prebought meal. You have several choices regarding that saved time but only two that make any sense to me. You can go ahead and spend the time to make a wonderful meal that you will enjoy, or you can spend it doing something that brings joy and value to your life. That's over an hour a day to 'spend' with someone you love or doing something you love. Get away from the computer and make a REAL investment.

On Gods Errands

A beautiful day again. Yesterday was filled with mundane running around, errands. It's so hard to make days like that enjoyable. It's so hard to be blessed by the mundane; to see God's hand in a grocery list or an overdue library book. Does He really use these moments? I believe he does. We just need to listen carefully over the din.

The first step is to acknowledge that we are stewards of all that passes through our lives, whether it be our time, money, an overdue library book, or what goes in our trashcans. My errands include several stops for recycling various items. I always think carefully before throwing ANYTHING in the garbage. While I accept that gas prices are skyrocketing, and extra stops mean extra gas and time, I also think that we must be responsible in our consumption. I don't usually make extra stops JUST to recycle something - but it's so simple to just drop off an ink cartridge while I'm in Staples (sometimes they give me a $3 coupon when I do it), or drop off the plastic grocery bags at the grocery store entrance when I go in (some stores give you credit for reusing them).

Organization is important when running errands, it saves time and gas. We have a basic preset route that we take when running errands. Our "loop" is about 25 miles. We make each stop as we come to it. If planned properly this prevents backtracking and wasting gas and time retracing our path. We also try to make sure we have plenty of books and drinks so the children can still be doing something enjoyable and constructive.

The second step is to be thankful for the abundance that is brought to our attention while we're doing the errands. I would not need to go to the Salvation Army if we didn't have 3 beautiful healthy children who grow quickly and need new clothes regularly. Not to mention that the clothes they have are so durable that I can pass them on to someone else. I'm so blessed!! A lengthy grocery list reminds me that we live in a land of abundance and we can pick and chose what we like to eat, and an overflowing pile of grocery bags means that we are wealthy enough to have plenty of food on hand, even to such an extent that we regularly donate to the foodshelf. LIbrary books mean that we live in a free country where we can read what we please, and a wealthy country that can afford to have books available for FREE use. We are educated and can read those books. How much do YOU take for granted in your daily life.

Finally, I have the opportunity to consider what it would be like having to do everything for myself, and to be thankful for those things I don't have to do. We pay a neighbor to do most of our mending. I can do it myself but it's not a chore that I relish so I pay her a couple of dollars now and then to mend torn seams and add patches to my beloved's military uniforms. He is, by nature, a mechanic and a handyman - but I can imagine the joy of realizing that I don't have to figure out how to repair something myself. Not to mention the time I save by having someone else do it.

I watched Frontier House again last week and one thing that always strikes me is that people living in the 1800's didn't have to run errands, and their trips to the grocers were limited to a couple of times a year usually. How far we have come!! Or have we? They didn't have to run errands because they did their own mending, they fixed their own items. Outgrown items, were few and far between, and were probably passed on to someone close by when visiting, or recycled into other items. Broken or worn out tools were fixed, sharpened or refurbished. They made use of everything. They rarely went to the grocers because they raised everything they needed to survive. Our society has become so obsessed with disposable items... it's very sad. My husband is just starting to train his mind to think creatively about "junk". I frequently ask him "is that *really* trash or could it be fixed or recycled?" Even now, 5 years into my own journey away from overconsumption and waste, I am still drawn in by the ease of certain disposable items. I even bought some (deeply discounted...but still) disposable dishcloths. I have to admit... they're handy. But at what cost? I don't just mean dollars and cents.

We live in an unreal world where real effort is a thing of the past for most people. We are a society of thinkers, and even those who do "great things"... well just think about what we consider great things.

Spring again

A fine April wind is blowing and it's definitely spring. We ate our first grilled dinner last night on our new gas grill - marinated sandwich steaks and heaps of grilled potatoes and onions. The snow is mostly gone, but the ground is still icy cold to the touch. There is so much to be done before summer hits in full swing!

Summer is not downtime around here. The children have many activities to keep them busy. There are day camps and vacation Bible schools running from mid-June through early August. The little ones need to get in their swimming lessons. The big ones want to go away to summer camp. We are busier during the summer than during the school year.

GARDENING ~
I've seen gardens going in around my area so I'm of the impression that it's time to till up the backyard. Gardening around here can be tricky for first-timers and the inexperienced (like myself). If you start too soon and get a frost or snowfall (like we had about 10 days ago) then you're efforts are for naught and you have to start all over. If you wait too long, things don't have time to grow before it gets too cold again. This area is not for the faint of heart. I don't think I would have chosen it had I not been born here. I started several plant sets last week; tomatoes, melons, scallions. The rest are to be planted hopefully over the next week or so depending upon our access to a tiller, the weather, and my beloveds work schedule.

LIVESTOCK ~
Our new chicks are due to hatch this weekend - just in time for Ressurection Day!! I missed them so much last year and I just can't wait to have new hens. Rachel is at the perfect age to start enjoying them. A new 12x14 coop is in the plans for this summer. Right now they are "incubating" on the kitchen counter between the sink and the Salvation Army pile. Once hatched we keep them in a steel washtub til they're big enough to go into the pens. I'm not sure I want them to stay in the kitchen that long though! The boys may be joining 4H through a friend who has a farm - they plan to raise livestock as their projects. I've never done 4H before so I don't know much about what I'm getting into. There are rumors of a pig in the works - but we are in agreement that a shelter must be built first.
On top of all that, the boys decided they wanted new pets. So we are now the proud owners of: 1 dog, 1 cat, 1 fish, 2 hamsters, 18 chicken eggs, ... and a partridge in a pear tree.

HOMESCHOOLING~
I've spent most of the last two weeks pouring over stacks and stacks of homeschool resources trying to come up with something fun and inspiring for next year. Endless textbooks just are not our style. It has been a struggle getting through this year and some subjects we are still way behind on. I've ordered lots of interesting quick study type items for this coming year. Short workbooks, classic novels, puzzle books and language games, math manipulatives, anything to 'mix it up a bit'. I've had no problem getting them to read but written work is not a priority to them (unfortunately the state really likes to see that they've done some so I have to be the meanie that makes them do it). The remainder of my school time has been spent threating my sons to get their bookwork done or they will be doing it while watching 4th of July fireworks...

YARDWORK ~
We've spent several days outside cleaning up from the winter. Our (now) beloved dog seems to have a taste for trash. He's strewn several bags around the yard over the winter. We cleaned up each one quickly as they were spread but as the snow melted we found more and more stuff strewn around. The remainders of a remodeling session from last fall are still sitting next to the house waiting for us to haul or burn them (depending on the material of course - 2x4's make wonderful campfire wood, panelling... not so much. Our fieldstone fireplace has given in to the elements over the winter and needs to be reset. Our dirt driveway needs to be graded, mud ruts and a hump in the middle threaten the exhaust on my low riding minivan every time we enter or leave. There is grass to be reseeded and siding to be washed, and a few odd strands of Christmas lights that we simply could not get down after the holiday.

Our aged swingset developed a distinct tilt over the winter - it's going to have to come down. (Rachel will be heartbroken!) Fortunately we have re-inherited one from a friend whose children have outgrown it - we just need to go pick it up and reassemble it.

But the true frosting on my cake... the thing that ASSURES me that spring has arrived... is not the birds singing, or the snow going away, the drive in restraunt re-opening for the season today, or even being able to keep the doors open for more than 15 seconds at a time. The REAL sign of spring (that cropped up unexpectedly on a Tuesday)...

"YARD SALE"

YEAH!!!!!! Just in time, my ebay box is starting to get empty!

Who will teach the children?

I've been away... last summer took alot out of me. My niece and nephews are great blessings but there is an added burden as well. The winter was long and hard, now I'm in a waiting pattern - these last few days of in between weather. Where it's still too cool to be outside but I just want to do SOMETHING! I thought I might try to restart this blog and when I came in I found this post in my draft box - INSTANT GRATIFICATION!!! I can post immediately. Hopefully I can get up a fresh post today as well
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I'm frustrated with the world view that says I can't be a keeper at home and be a success. I had an interesting discussion with my eldest niece last weekend (she's 16). We were talking about something having to do with the home (laundry, cooking, etc). I jokingly said "didn't you learn that in Home Ec?" My SIL looked at me like I was crazy. She said "They don't have home ec anymore, they have "life skills". As it turns out 'life skills' teaches very little about how to do basic things like cooking a simple meal or sewing well enough to be able to reapply a button without it falling off again. It focuses mostly on goal setting and career decision making.

In a similar experience, my youngest niece (12) was helping me make dinner one night last week (they are stying with us over the summer). She said (about cooking something on the stove) "This is fun. My mom would NEVER let me do anything like this. Sometimes she *might* let me cut up veggies - but not usually because she's afraid I'll cut myself."
Keep in mind that she was simply mixing up a box of hamburger helper - a skill which my son mastered at the age of 10.

I have over the years realized that it is my place as a parent to teach my children the 'basics'. I was not always this way. Somewhere along the way I got the mistaken impression that I could trust the public school to teach my children what they need to know. But *I* learned from my mother at a young age how to do many of the things that are most important to life. She taught me to make brownies and cookies, and even bread sometimes. I remember watching her make dinner. Her instruction was generally silent - just watching her open cabinets and drawers and measure out ingredients taught me volumes. Spaghetti sauce did not come from a jar - it was fresh veggies mixed with tomato sauce and spices. Cookies didn't come from a bag - they were a wonderful concotion of sweetness, butter, sugars, maybe some nuts or other treat. Burgers were not a frozen block that bounced out of the pan when you put them in - they were hand patted (sometimes I think with a tad of displaced frustration beat into them!). Preparing food was an expression of love, yes it took time, but it was full of sacrificial love and that flavor cannot be duplicated.
My brother may be the only man I know (possibly the only PERSON I know) who can darn socks. Our grandmother taught him when he was about 9. Today socks are so cheap that we just throw them away when they develop holes.
I'm not talking Martha Stewart here. I'm talking basics - cutting up a salad (oh NO! Can't allow my child to do that - he might cut himself with the knife), boiling pasta (Oh no - she might get burnt!), fry an egg (oh no! that could start a fire!!). If you don't teach your children, how will they learn? Don't assume the public schools are making sure they know these things.
Tonight try something different... make them turn off the tv, computer, video game; set aside homework for an hour - and make dinner together. It will be the best lesson of the day.

He ain't ugly, he's my dog!

For my birthday I told my husband all I wanted was for him to get out of work early and take me out to dinner - sans kids. Instead I got this:

the worlds ugliest mutt - reject from the pound. The picture is deceptively cute. He's scrawny and his hair is all wiry (where he has it - he has a bald streak running the length of his back. We were told it was from a chemical burn he got as a baby). In typical terrier fashion his hair is various colors with some long spots - he desperately needs a trip to the groomers.

Here's the story:
We have been on the dog waiting list at the local humane society for months. Our situation makes it very difficult to find a good match; we have a toddler and a cat - most pound dogs have issues with one or the other - unless your looking for a puppy - and we didn't want to have to train from scratch. My DH has stopped in at least twice a week all spring and summer to see what they have, he checks the website daily.

We got the call the other day and I was nearly tearful thinking of my darling little girl bonding with a sweet little terrier dog. Little did I know that this was NOT the dog of my dreams. Much as is the case with husbands - the reality just didn't measure up with the ideal.

I stopped by while running errands - he was out visiting a nursing home. They suggested we stop back later. So I returned two hours later - DH was in the parking lot waiting. He seemed non-commital - I got worried. We walked over and looked at him. Sad sad dog - but I'm a good mom, committed to my kids happiness. This wasn't about looks. Would he get along with the toddler? We took her to him. He jumped on her (he's twice her height when he's up on his back feet) - scraped her a bit. She screamed. It looked like I might be spared the embarassment of calling this homely creature "my dog". Another try - he tentatively stepped up to her, sniffed her and started licking her - that was it. The boys walked in and took him for a walk - a match made in heaven.

He may be homely - but looks can be decieving. He's *everything* we were looking for in a dog. He's gentle with the baby, patient with 4 boys (7,10, 11, 12) but also playful and energetic. He lays quietly when they're gone. He doesn't tear up the house. He's mostly trained. He understands commands but doesn't usually feel compelled to follow them. He asks to go out during the day but at night even after an 11PM walk he poops in the house - always on the linoleum in the kitchen though (I guess that counts as trained - if you can't hold it - you can't hold it)

I have noted a few problems though - He tested very well with cats, they actually 'borrowed him' to test a few newcomers while we were filling out paperwork. My cat despises him - Fluff hisses and Oscar charges, not a match made in heaven.

His previous owner must have spoiled him - he's on a hunger strike. Apparantly Alpo is below him. I have been able to coax him to eat a little - but as soon as I walk away from his dish he does too.

He somewhere got the impression that he was going to sleep in my bedroom, AND in my bed. He may have gotten the point on that last night. After half and hour and a bit of barking I came out, slapped his snout and told him to shut up. Not another whine was heard.

I think he's trying to butter me up - he keeps hanging around me and is currently wrapped around the bottom of my desk chair sleeping (so I can't move). Last night I was sorting books on the livingroom floor and he sidled up to me , put his head on my leg, then his paw and just laid there. Well OK then - maybe he's a keeper.

I think he resents my intial attitude toward him. He keeps pooping in my shoes.

Independence Day - it's not about you!

We've survived the holiday - living around here you see some interesting interpretations of "Independence". I'm more intereted in the historical value of the holiday - that is to say - I celebrate the memory of those who sacrificed and worked to give us this great country. Others view it as a celebration of their personal freedom - I don't disagree with that either (at least not completely). I think, perhaps, the later group should consider the deeper meaning of Independence Day. At it's purest form - the holiday commemorates the signing of the Declaration of Independence which signified our separation from England and the formation of a new nation. It also was the halmark of the Revolutionary War (or the War for Independence), one of only two US wars fought upon our own soil, and where women and children became casualties.

Far too many Americans use July 4th as a reason to "celebrate their freedoms", speaking out against the things they disagree with and celebrating the freedom to do other things. I don't see that as the point of the holiday - of course they are free to do and say as they wish, all 365 days of the year. I prefer to set aside this day as a remembrance of the sacrifices of others - so I will never take my freedom for granted. Too many Americans wear their freedoms like a crown. Sure they are a birthright, God given and irrevocable - but a price was paid for them, a high price.

"The Patriot" is one of my favorite movies. Although mostly fictional, I think it gives a clear picture of the struggle and sacrifice that we should be celebrating. Take your eyes and minds off yourself for once and show some respect for those who gave you your freedoms.

“America is great because America is good. But if America ceases to
be good, it will cease to be great.”
Alexis de Tocqueville

(I know that some people say this quote is "bogus" because it is not supported by physical evidence - that does not mean that de Tocqueville didn't say it - it just means that we don't have a piece of paper to prove it. Many stories and quotes do not have supporting physical proof of their origins - particularly those that are more than 150-200 years old)

Why I "don't work" - confessions of a housewife

Let me start by saying that it hasn't always been this way - and this post will only cover the historical basis for my decision, not my personal beliefs about work. For the first several years of our marriage we both worked. I worked retail, and later, office work; my dh has always done hard work (mechanic, carpenter, etc). One miserable July day I drove by the shop where he was working while I was running office errands. It was 90+ outside, and he was on the ground, wrestling with a lugnut on a vehicle - he looked hot, dirty and tired. I felt SOO guilty in my A/C and clean office clothes. I told him - if he was really unhappy - to quit. He could go back to school and I would work. I made enough to support our family.
He quit, took two semesters of classes - and was lost. This man was made to work, and to work hard. He was lost around the house. As much as he loved being home with our boys (who were 5,6,7ish in those days) - he was a fish out of water. He took on a part time job within the first year. After two years he went back to work full time, Army National Guard - within 12 months he had his orders for Iraq.

By then we had a new baby and I was working still (but only off and on). I had "quit" my job - but my boss hadn't figured that out yet. I stopped in the office (on the way home from the hospital with my new bundle of joy) and ended up refereeing an argument between my replacement and a staff person. A sign of things to come - within a month I was sucked back in with pleas of "We *really* need you!!" It started as a couple of hours here and there to help my replacement but wound up being semi-permanent.

The hours got longer - the baby got bigger - I started getting tired. Then his orders came. I was suddenly a single parent juggling a baby, a job, a home... the house of cards started tumbling down. I was so exhausted by the end of the day that I started dozing off during the 20+ minute commute home. It scared me straight! I suddenly realized that I was putting myself, my baby, and everyone on the road at risk - just to perpetuate the myth that women can do anything, and they can do it all at once (which I never believed to begin with). I was done.
POINT - I really resent feminism. I'm glad to see true femininity making a comeback. I've often felt like I was born in the wrong era. I've always known I wanted to be a housewife/mother - but society no longer sees that as normal or acceptable. We are expected to be 'more'. More than WHAT?! I suppose I'll save that for another post.

Day two - Does anyone really care?

Day two - reality settles in: Do I really have enough to say to keep writing every day? Once again I wonder if *anyone* is really interested. I supposed in these days of reality TV I shouldn't wonder. We have become a nation of voyeurs. We all want to know what everyone else is doing, how other people think. Our own lives have become so boring that we wonder "does anyone else feel this way?" So we jump on the web and... sure enough SOMEONE does. We don't sit and chat anymore - we blog; a one way conversation where everyone is listening and no one is interupting. It's safe, sure - you get flamed now and then - but for some reason it just doesn't sting so much when it's words on a screen. for me, the main thing that drew me in was this; I really don't know if anyone is interested - but by blogging, I'm not cluttering up my e-lists with stuff no one wants to read. I'm really very insecure, I suppose. This way I can write and write and not bother anyone - you have to come find me if you want to know what I have to say.